so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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