I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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