ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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