I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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