Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
