Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sex in the backyard? Check.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
