The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize