We're like a lot better than the average bears
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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