Screwed.edu
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
