get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
