What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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