I have demons in me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
