first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
