i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
