i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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