I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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