so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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