it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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