So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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