Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize