She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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