VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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