oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need moral support for this bender
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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