I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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