i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
