if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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