she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The struggles of a small town man whore
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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