Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
