i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
