i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
