Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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