So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
