NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
