just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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