My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
