i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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