Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
