if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
