If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
