hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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