my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
