Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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