So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
