why do cheetos always look like penises
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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