You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
