I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
