Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
