I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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