i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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