Just took my morning after pill in the library
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
