If i come over, it means nothing
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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