So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
