dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
