I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
