Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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