Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
