Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
