so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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