I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're like the curious george of whores
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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