where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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